When I started to take my physical health seriously, I started to share more of my body online. As my physique moved closer to what was socially acceptable to the men I sought to know, I received praise and encouragement through likes and comments on the internet.
From other men I also found myself deeply attracted to.
I learned, quickly, that if I could give these men in my phone what they wanted, I’d be given back the kind of feel-goods and love that was missing in my life. The more I posted, the better I felt. The more content I made, the more I had to give.
This became another addiction in my life.
More intimacy.
More flesh.
More parts of me that had never seen the aperture before.
The thrill, the rush, the immediate gratification.
—
The monetization, the requests, the perfunctory posts.
Something shifted.
Something that once felt good, grew hollow.
The collection is a series of photos from my own personal archive that brings words and voice to the feelings in my head when I took each photo and posted to my social media, content creation accounts, or shared with others in direct messages. This is an ongoing project as I find new ways to feel good about who I am, and who I am to become.